The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

The Doctor:

Who tells her to "take off all her clothes" 
 

The Dentist:

Who tells her to "open wide" 
 

The Milkman:

Who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 
 

The Hairdresser:

Who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 
 

The Interior Designer:

Who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 
 

The Banker:

Who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose 
interest!" 
 

The Primal Hunter:

Who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and 
lie still" 

Drive-Through ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-Through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts"

 

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Running backward

Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? There would be no chance to get to know death at all. If it happened only once. I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an organsm.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why i would not live forever. 

LIFE is Full of LIE

I feel like i am sitting in a room full of people that i love, and you know what, they just don't care that i love them. They don't care whether or not i live or die. To them i'm just another guy a stranger. To me, they are my best friends, the only people i have left. I wanted a perfect ending. Now i've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's to happen next. But its ironic because that's how i live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks i'm doing fine but i'm always dieing inside, always one step away from the edge you know? Someone asked me the other day that if i could change five things about my life, what would i change? My answer. "Nothing, this is who i am and who i'm meant to be" and "I love being me even when i'm feeling suck" then "I hate myself if wouldn't change a thing" Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. :)

What about now?

I remember when mom and dad got us kids up and fed us breakfast and we all get ready went to school. I remember when dad got up and off to work around six in the morning and worked until after dark without complaining. I remember when mamma worked all day cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and wiping my tears when I fell down. I remember when the neighbor ladies would come in and with mother they make quilts for the winter or put up preserves. I remember when we have church picnics. I remember when the pastor would tell us about the worldly problems or the neighbors who had sickness in the family and papa and mamma would kneel down and pray. I remember seeing my grandfather pray until you could see the sweat on his brow and the tears in his eyes. I remember when I got sick and mamma prayed all night and in the morning I was better. I remember when there was a God.
What about now?

God did not move he is still there just waiting for us to call on him. He said, "Knock and the door will open" and "Seek and you will find" then "Ask and it will be given, the key to God's World if you only believe I will come into your heart" How wonderful is it.